Goodbye Kate

The last post. I've avoided this for too long.

We sure do love you, kiddo. Thank you for being a part of our lives.

I'll end with a smile...

Kate's Spaces

Kelly, Julia and I have spent the last few weeks filling the spaces in our house where Kate spent much of her time. It has felt very good to fill those spaces with life and the things she enjoyed.

Kate's swing was in this corner of our dining room. While in it, she enjoyed playing with toys, sleeping, and watching us move around the kitchen. Kate had a stuffed ladybug toy that was her favorite (which unfortunately was lost a month or two before she died). She seemed to especially enjoy the red and black wings. Anything 'ladybug' reminds us of her. After she died, I found this hydroponic garden (Aerogarden) that is decorated like a ladybug and built a small shelf where her swing used to be. There are flower seeds planted in it that should fill it with colorful, living blooms in a few weeks. The doll was another favorite of hers. It was attached to the handle of her carseat.

This plant now sits where Kate's bassinet was in our bedroom. It was given to us after Kate died. We have placed the card from her service in the plant and hung the pictures we had on display at the service above it. At some point, we hope to find a larger plant stand on which we might be able to put the bowl with her ashes and a few of her special things.

Spreading Kate's Ashes

Kelly, Julia and I decided to spread Kate's ashes in a few special places.

Julia asked that we spread part of Kate's ashes on "Baby Sam's mountain" (Mt. Tamalpias). My brother and sister-in-law lost their baby (Samuel) mid-pregnancy when Kelly was pregnant with Kate. His ashes are spread in this spot.

This beautiful hilltop near the top of the mountain overlooks the Pacific Ocean. Kate and her cousin can now keep each other company.

Kelly, Julia and I spent a few hours at one of the Sonoma Coast beaches a few Sundays ago. We spread the majority of Kate's ashes there in the surf. I will never forget the way her ashes drifted out and dispersed so beautifully in the water. It was a perfect, simple goodbye.

Julia and Kelly tossed the lei that surrounded her bowl of ashes at her memorial service into the water. It spent quite a while floating in the gentle waves before disappearing.

After spreading her ashes, we celebrated with a picnic on the beach. Julia also flew a kite for the first time.

We will be heading to Hawaii in August (a trip we had already planned). There we plan on spreading the last of her ashes in the Hawaiian waters.

Kate's middle name:

Namakae'ikeikapapaokamoana
One who sees clearly to the depths of the Ocean

Celebration

After Kate's service, many family and friends spent a few hours celebrating Kate's life at our house. It was very nice having so many people come to celebrate. Julia especially appreciated finally being able to have a party to celebrate Kate's birthday.

A special thanks to the many hands that prepared food & drinks for the party. It was great to be in the comfort of our own home but not have to really 'host'. Another special thanks to our family for helping get the house and yard presentable in anticipation of the party.

Kate's Service

Kate's service was held on a sunny, beautiful Saturday afternoon. Over 200 family and friends attended to honor Kate's life - a crowd that filled the chapel over capacity. It was amazing to see so many people care so much about our little girl. There were many more that said they wished they could have been there.

After a few introductory remarks by Chaplain Warren Hayes, Kelly and I got up to speak. Before we began, we asked everyone to participate by taking part in a prayer or 'ritual' that Kelly and I had been doing daily with Kate for the past year. Everyone was asked to take a Koa bead (a native Hawaiian wood that represents strength). Before leaving the chapel, we asked that they hold the bead and say a prayer or think of a message that they would like Kate to hear and then place the bead in a bowl at the front. These beads would then be added to the beads Kelly and I had already strung over the past year. They would be cremated with her.

I then spent a few moments talking about Kate's life and all of the ups and downs she experienced. While it was difficult to get through, it felt good to share her story.

Kelly and I were then finally able to share some long overdue 'thank yous' to the many people that have supported Kate and our family over the past year. We had originally planned to do this at Kate's first birthday party.

Kelly and I then sat down and and listened as many family members and friends got up and shared a few words. We were touched by the outpouring of love expressed for Kate, Julia, Kelly and I.

We ended the service with a few songs, beautifully sung by a family friend, Kumu Hula Shawna Alapa'i. We started off with one of Kate's favorite songs, 'Itsy-bitsy Spider', which many people joined in singing. It was very moving. That was followed by two powerful, beautiful, and personally meaningful Hawaiian songs, 'Hawaii Aloha' and 'Aloha Oe'. I could not have asked for a better way to end Kate's service - it was absolutely perfect. Thank you Shawna.

As Shawna's ukulele faded to the background, everyone walked to the front of the chapel to place their bead in a bowl next to Kate's photo and a collection of her favorite things.

Kelly and I both feel very good about her service and appreciate everyone who was there in person and in spirit. Our little girl is obviously loved by many.

Service set for this Saturday at 3pm

Kelly and I just returned from meeting with the funeral director. There was a surprising amount of detail to go over. Don't ever need to do that again.

Kate's memorial service will be held this Saturday, May 23rd at 3:00pm at:

Daniels Chapel of the Roses
1225 Sonoma Ave (near Memorial Hospital)
Santa Rosa, CA 95405

Please join us if you can.

After making the arrangements, Kelly and I were able to see Kate's body. She looks very peaceful. We plan on seeing her one more time tomorrow evening before she is cremated.

Kate died last night...

I'm sorry if this is the way you're finding out, but our little Kate died at about 3am last night in the ER. She had gotten sick again yesterday afternoon.

We're not exactly sure what happened, but she stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. For over 20 minutes, the doctors and nurses tried to revive her, to no avail. We were with her for a few hours and were able to hold her as we cried. She was taken to the mortuary a few minutes ago.

I'll post info on services once they are worked out.

Thank you for all of your support through all of the trials and challenges during Kate's short but eventful life.